Possibilities in Time … with Food

By Wren Ribeiro

What is the right time for anything, for a thing to be said, felt, danced, built, destroyed, eaten?

How does an individual decide a right time for a thing?

Experimenting with time’s rightness or wrongness in the body – with the body’s feedback however vague or clear – is an invitation, a possibility.

How did I feel when I held back and didn’t say a thing at that very specific time? A time that felt so urgent that if I didn’t squeeze it and it lapsed I might lose my mind, my heart, my courage, my voice, my healing process, my one opportunity to “seize” the moment?

A possibility: to play with sensing the phrase “seize the moment” as “squeeze the moment” and notice what comes out.

A memory experiment: to sense back into a lingering uncomfortable experience. How did I feel that time when I said or did a thing that was uncomfortable? Am I curious about the impacts of the thing or do I obsess about them or do I block them from my consciousness? And how do any or all of the pieces of memory about that time doing/saying/feeling/eating that thing, inform my response-ability about doing/saying/feeling/eating another thing? What role did my sense of time have in the discomfort?

Just because something is alive in me now doesn’t mean I need to take action. Just because my stomach rumbles or food is on the table now doesn’t mean I need to eat.

Last month, I was part of a village-making experiment called the BridgeHouse. Eleven of us lived in a 3-bedroom ranch for eight days in Western Massachusetts. Six of us could be described as students and five could be described as teachers or trainers. Over the first few days I noticed a comfort in vicariously feeling through others’ clear expressions of their present feelings. I noticed resonating with courage while witnessing another’s active courage. I noticed hearing myself say I don’t have a need or want for sharing any feelings or thoughts. But I was clear about a purpose, a desire for an experiment with possibilitators.

I wanted to hold a food experiment and, at the moment, like the name, Eating with Distinctions to describe the invitation to notice what feelings arise while eating with others as an experiment to notice what feelings arise. That was as far as I’d gotten in designing the experiment. I imagined people would take turns sharing feelings and celebrating their distinctions or new insights.

I’ll share some content about my purpose for wanting this food experiment: In early June on a train to London I felt strong joy and a clear awareness in my gut about wanting to practice mindful eating with others, particularly others who may be seeking healing from eating with dis-order or no longer wanting to source eating with dis-ease. I was clear I wanted to bring in my InnerFortune journal and coaching frameworks and left the idea to simmer for a few days until, back home in Massachusetts, I went dancing and very coincidentally was invited to this BridgeHouse by a friend.

“How amazing!” Joseph and I exclaimed as we learned each was into PM. We went to a café and had hot chocolates. Joseph shared details of the Possibility Management tour and I set a plan to attend a few of the workshops. Because Joseph and I had attended a number of mindful meals in the past I shared my interest in a mindful eating experiment and he shared feeling great joy about exploring this with me, maybe even at the BridgeHouse (BH).

I was elated to find out about this opportunity and that I hadn’t missed it. I’ll go a bit into the rabbit hole my gremlin likes to hide in to say there was a “conversaview” (mashup of conversation and interview – or… what about “intersation” as a mashup). Joy in preparing to join the BH was followed by sadness after a decision that my 2-day absence in the middle would make for a less than ideal container for the BH. I accepted I wouldn’t be there, but, when I shared sadness about missing it with someone, a solution was found and joy returned.

With all of the recalibrating in my body I wasn’t sure when to make an “official” proposal about the eating experiment once the Bridge House started. I mentioned it during our first (and second?) morning meeting (called a convergence) and then decided I’d hold a space for discussing it with anyone interested at a set time in the near future. As three of us gathered I felt joy about not sensing any expectations in myself.

Sadly … it took no time at all for my gremlin to tempt me into anger and fear as well as sadness. One person was renegotiating my 13 minute proposal down to 8 minutes while the other was visibly rapidly losing interest. I wanted to reschedule, anything to not lose this possibility, this time to experiment!

I have new respect for fear of being in intimate spaces with new people over extended days. And a clearer understanding about my fear of seeking to get to know multiple people, who all know each other, simultaneously. Power or the lack thereof perceived by one individual can be a clear conduit to others’ perceptions. This experiment was so much more complex with intense feelings arising beyond the original experiment idea about eating food!

With expressed interest from about four other people, Joseph and I made a tentative menu of corn on the cob, soup and salad, asserting that the actual food, or even eating it, wasn’t as important as being with the food. A last minute change to the menu and throwing together an omelet with whatever was available in the refrigerator, elevated my stress level. Surprise triggers included being in a strange kitchen without my pans or things, and conscious fear of time running out with unconscious fear about doing an experiment that was less and less held by me … even though I identify as being comfortable with risk taking and curious about what might be revealed.

I was pleased with the last minute omelet. It was well browned and big enough to feed everyone and finished on time. But while I was in the experiment with Joseph holding space for me, I couldn’t help overhear that the omelet became a source of “disgust” for a couple of the participants who discovered reactions to this mixed food. One had specified that disgust as connected to fingernails and it was quite a challenge to send that energy into a “black hole” given how diligently I wash my hands!

Having space held for me while putting food on my plate and being in relationship to eating it was a great gift. I received distinctions and clarity about the sadness and fear I feel about vegetables growing and being shipped along the industrial scale food pipeline and about the way I can be and then forget to be “with” vegetables as I prepare them.

After each person had an experience plating food mindfully while being witnessed with care and possibility for expanding feelings, we shared discoveries and distinctions with each other. The general consensus was that this was a surprisingly rich experience that evoked unexpected feelings about slowing down and about unique aspects of eating.

One participant named Michael had this to say:

“In this experiment, I noticed I felt fear that others judged me for being selfish, and that my needs are too much for others. During the BridgeHouse I was struck that working with food revealed so much about how I relate to people.”

At the table when I shared, I heard myself express fear of (the experiment or me?!) being a failure. I didn’t share the joy I discovered when sensing into the lingering emotions about time consequences and a new decision emerging. As I felt time in that moment, I heard myself claim the “gold” in experiencing time as love and magic. Why didn’t I share that aloud?

I don’t always know what the “right” time is for me to say or do a thing. Competing for air space to speak in a group setting is something that I could raise my conscious anger for, but I didn’t feel the motivation in this BridgeHouse. I totally stand for stretch experiments like this village-making experience and similar anthropological culture-building. I can also imagine being more motivated if I had come into this space with some established intimacy with more than one person, especially if I had attended a Possibility Management lab beforehand like many of my co-villagers had the week before.

All in all, I am motivated to significantly deepen my relationship to food in all its iterations – from growing and harvesting to preparing to eating – and I look forward to more experiments and community building around eating together with distinction!